Joining Blogs

I have decided that for 2010

I am going to

combine this BLOg with my other one..

As always I meant well.....

but never seem to have time

to get 2 of them written.

And since I have made a decision

to continue to do LESS work in 2010

and MORE family and fun

I figured these BLOgs

could actually become one anyway...

So as my 2010 is approaching ever closer

I am starting my NEW YEAR already...

Thank you to everyone who read

and commented on this BLOg..

I adore reading your comments

and HOPE you will drop

over to my other BLOg

to keep up with another year

in the LIFE of a Woman in her 40's

learning to LIVE again !

http://www.danforddesign.blogspot.com/

A Day in the HAY

First of all I would like to say WOW..

I can't believe it's been so long since I got a post on this blog.

I write them in my head all the time,

but always think I need a picture to go with it......

SO that seems to have me dragging my feet.

I honestly feel the old saying is true...

"A picture is worth a THOUSAND words."

but in my opinion...

when you can combine the two...

THEN it's priceless!!
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Anyway... I am finally getting "to it"
and am hoping to make a promise to myself as well as you guys

To WRITE more often!!

A FEW WEEKS ago..

We realized we needed to get the rest of the hay out of the field
before we cut for the last time of the season.
I wasn't busy that day, and thought Brady and I

would join Brad in the HAY.

Of course Brady wakes up every single day

in an adventure... and this day was no exception.

He asked a jillion questions, pointed, and talked

the whole time as he discovered something new.

He was almost overcome with wonder at the sight

of that big green monster rolling on wheels.
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As I sat and watched my 2 guys I couldn't help but think

how incredibly lucky "Little Brady" is to have a dad like Brad.

Though he may not look like a GQ model

I see more clearly now than ever that LOVE

comes in all shapes and sizes.

It may be filled with long hair,

a fuzzy beard, and holes in jeans...

But when it's REAL no one seems

to care what it LOOKS LIKE !
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Just Do Something

Ok... Though it is October....

I am starting my New Year's Resolutions right now..

However I'm not calling them New Year's Resolutions...

They are LIFE Resolutions..

space

I am the world's worst about thinking

"If I don't have time to do it great,

then I'll just wait and do it later."

Well... I can tell you that has gotten me nowhere fast.

I have spent the last 2 days straight

looking for my 2008 income tax papers.

I remember seeing them, but I didn't

have the time (I thought) to

put them up where they went,

so I laid them down and was gonna do it later.

Later is now here...

but I have turned this house over

and can not find them anywhere.

space

Anyway....

I read this quote last week, and

I have vowed to make some changes

in my LIFE.

"Looking for lasting happiness

outside yourself is meaningless....

It is like expecting to become fit

by watching other people exercise."

A
After having Brady...

I have meant to try to get back into shape.

Not because I will ever care,

or even want to look like

Cindy Crawford....

but because I owe Brady

the best of my energy..

So.... knowing I have lost most of

my endurance... I stopped waiting

to magically get it back, and

JUST DID SOMETHING..

I have run 2 miles the last 4 days..

Not without stopping, but

for once in my life I didn't care.

This time the only person I was

caring to impress was myself.

I am doing this for me...

I want to spend amazing energetic years

with my Little Brady..

So, I stopped some, walked some, and ran some.

But... I DID SOMETHING.

I started...

and that is a huge step..

Something about our world makes us want

everything NOW...

But, maybe that's what's wrong..

Sometimes the best things are those you

Worked Darn Hard to get,

and even Harder to KEEP.

Making Memories

This has just been one of those

"over the top"

busy weeks..

It was Brook's homecoming at Southwest.

But... now that it's all over,

it is one of those times

where you are so thankful

that you have been a part of.

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My house is covered in glitter, sparkles,

ribbons, and fringe fuzz from Brook's mum.

But... (this one I know from experience)....

These are the times that both children

and their parents look back on

with smiling memories.

Now that Brent is about to turn 20 years old...

I look back and remember

his first garter I made him,

and the girl friend's (or date for the week)

mums I made over the years.

I giggle about his taste, and him thinking

I was putting too much on it.

When has a girl ever thought that

about a mum. hee hee

So as I get ready for bed tonight.....

completely ready to relax for a while

I am forever grateful for these memories and

YES.. even these messes...

Because when the time has long passed

Those are all we have left.

New Promise

Overwhelmed, and Overdone

would be a kind way to express the

state of my life the last few weeks..

I have turned into the very thing I can not stand .....

Someone in a RUSH

who merely spends their day getting from one thing to another...

I spent so many years of my life in the "RUSH" mode

and I have made a vow to myself never to return.

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However.................

Return is exactly what I did..

When you spend your days in a RUSH you completely miss out on LIFE.

You only RUSH from one task to the next

telling everyone to " hang on a minute"

......and before you realize it your day is gone.

YOU may have accomplished your work,

but at what cost...

I had once again become the very thing I can not stand.

So as I look at this precious little boy

of whom I have told to "hang on"all week long........

I see precious time slipping by.

What a shame that we sometimes get so caught up in life that we forget to live it...

Walking through TIME

My sweet Little Brady turned 20 months old this week..

I know people say this all the time,

but where did the time go?

space

I remember so clearly the day we brought him home.

My heart was so hoping that I wasn't too old to do this right.

I worried about being called his grandma when I picked him up from school,

or being the one who is wearing the dorky clothes

(and doesn't know it)

at all the sporting events..

I hoped I would live long enough to experience

all the monumental moments in his life.

To hold his children and to be able to tell them stories

about how incredible he was as a baby...

Then.... I decided I could worry about all of that,

or just love the HELL out of that child

and hope none of the other stuff mattered in the end.
And I can assure you all that in the 20 months of his breathtakingly precious life...

without a doubt ,he has been showered with more love and attention

than anyone I have ever known...

And when I lay my head down at night I know

That's the best I can do...

The Tapestry of LIFE

We buried my sweet brother 6 years ago this week.

It's been a little tough this year for some reason.

I guess as more time goes by I realize he's really not here with me.

How I miss his voice, his laugh, and his big wonderful hugs.

He was my one and only sibling.

I often have asked myself WHY...

I know there are just some questions that

in this lifetime we don't get an answer to.

WE just have to trust that God sees

the WHOLE tapestry of our lives.

And somehow each and every tiny peace fits together

to make us who we are.

If there is a lesson here to teach our children....

It is to always tell people how much they matter.

We throw the words I love you around like we do socks on the floor.

But to tell someone they really MATTER..

That their life matters to you because it makes yours better!

Their voice matters on the other end of the phone,

their face matters after a long day,

their touch feels like no other in the world,

and their thoughts and dreams matter to you!

Our families are so often the ones we take the most for granted..

Take the time today to tell them that they MATTER,

because someday they might not be there to hear it.

Brent's Gonna Play Football

WELL.. we found out yesterday that Brent made

the football team

at Midwestern State University...

I went with him for a tryout a few weeks ago,

and we've been patiently awaiting a callback.

It's hard to believe that he won't be wearing a wonderfully worn in glove,

and a sweaty old cap again......

However, I am thrilled and so very excited for him to start this new chapter of his life.

He really wants to play college football,

and I really want him to give it his best try...

So.......... it worked out as it should be.

When he called to tell me about wanting to switch sports I nearly had to grasp a breath,

but now all I can think about is my precious first born baby boy

LIVING a life in which he follows his dreams..

Now what more could a mother want for their child.

Maybe our biggest job

as a mother...

is to help our children pursue their dreams,

not our dreams for them..

Careful What We're Teaching

Those of you who know me, and maybe even some of you who don't....

know that I am a huge lover of words..

I think that they hold a power that is matched by no other..

At church last weekend however I heard something that rocked my thinking..

My preacher was talking about words and the power they have.

There are so so so many places in the Bible that talk about the tongue and the power it carries.

Then he said.... There is a reason that God gave us 2 ears and 1 mouth...

Because we are supposed to listen twice as much as we speak...

WOW... and double WOW...

I could hardly contain myself through the rest of the service because I wanted to tell everyone I knew what I'd learned...

Then it dawned on me that no one really wants to be told that...

They want to SEE that..

People know when you are listening to them..

He also said that hearing is a function of the body,

and listening is a function of the mind...

WOW again...

How wonderful would it be for me to be able to really show my children that

I am LISTENING to what they say...

not just HEARING the words while I am also doing something else!

And how incredibly romantic to actually look into your husband's eyes when he is talking with a true sense of what you're saying is important to me...

I hope Brady sees by my actions that I am Listening more than I am Speaking..

The Little MOMENTS

Ok.. I am way past the point of an

"I'm sorry" on this site.

I had no clue that it had been so long since I'd written anything.

So.... tonight I am making a vow to myself

to write on this blog at least 2 times a week.

I think of such fabulous things in my head while I'm driving

(which by the way I am always doing)..

I write BLOg after BLOg in my mind

but when I get back home to the computer the words get lost somehow.

SO..........While in the midst of my Pity Party today....

I stopped to ponder and had an AH HA revelation to my own self.

"We must learn to find the good in our moments because our moments make up our days, and our days make up our lives...

If we sit around waiting for them to all be wonderful we'll be sitting watching our life go by... Today those moments make us crazy... but tomorrow they will make us laugh... "

No Fear

I love this picture of Brady

riding his pony....

teeth clinched,

leaning back,

and rocking for all he's worth.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all go back to that mind-set in life and

RIDE with NO FEAR......

Somehow as age grabs our mind along with our hearts,

it too steals our willingness to give life all we've got....

knowing that yes we might fail,

but boy... we might succeed.

The fear of failure has often stopped me from attempting things I would have really liked to have tried. But, thinking that someone might feel as though I looked ridiculous or thinking that the hurt feelings of someone telling me that I wasn't very good at it.....

somehow seemed to take precedence over my attempt at greatness.

I've often heard the story of how many zillion times Abraham Lincoln failed...

yet somehow he had the character to continue..

WOW what we would have missed if he hadn't..

So, as I look at this picture of Brady

riding with NO FEAR...

I too want to grab hold of that thrill and believe in myself

knowing that if for some reason I fall off

then all I have to do is climb back up again..

Maybe today we should learn from our children instead of teaching them what life has wrongly taught us..

Wow.. Time FLEW

Where has the time gone.. Not just the time since I last wrote on this blog (sorry about that by the way).... but the time since my one and only little girl was little. This weekend she tried out for Varsity cheerleader at her (way too big for me) school. *and made it (#12) She is going to be a junior next year and I know it sounds so corny to say... but it's true... "I just can't believe it."

I remember so clearly the day she was born. He brother (who was 3 1/2) wanted to know where her wienie was.. hahaha That still makes me laugh to this day. Maybe Brent knew something all along that we took a while to notice. My little girl has got to be the toughest gal I have come across in a long time. Not the big giant physically tough like you first think of, but the mental, emotional... got it all together tough. The kind it took me 40 years to gain. I am amazed at her almost on a daily basis. She has never been one to care much about what people think, or what they do. She has always had her mind set on what she thinks is right and by golly... that is what she sticks too. Now I can tell you that has caused her a fair share of trouble, but now in her teenage years I can tell you that it has brought me great joy. As I watch her turn into a woman... I tag along for the ride and look on with pride. Somehow in the midst of a million messes she has made magic of her life... I continue to thank God for letting me be her mother, and I remind her every day (even when we fuss) that "IF I lined up all the girls in the world.. I'd pick You!!)

Joy Journal

Those of you that know me, know I write constantly..

I've always loved words and the power that they hold..

They can change a mood, create a smile, warm a heart, ease anxiety, relax a moment, and in my opinion change your life forever..

I try to write everyday. Some days of course I miss, but for the most part "I let it all out" ON paper. Over the years I have filled up countless journals.

This year however I bought a special one just to call my JOY Journal...

Every time I feel that tickle in my soul, that bubble in my heart, and that bounce in my feet...

I grab it and write the memory down.

As the days slip away, and some of those UGLY ones creep up on occasion....

I pull it out and read.

WOWWWWWWWWWWWW

HOW powerful to read something that warmed your heart once.

Because I PROMISE it will do it again..

LIFE truly is filled with way more good than bad.

There is beauty all around, just stop and find some.

It could be covered with bubbles and mud.

Start Overs

A very famous Photographer (Jeff Hawkins) took this image

of me one year at photography school. I have always loved

the way it really captured my forever thinking mind.

Man... I gotta say last week was just not my best one..

I often wonder how a person can try so hard and screw up so badly.. Well, let me totally tell you it can happen. All in a weeks time I have had surgery, fussed with my mother, fussed with my daughter, been to the emergency room, snapped at my husband a zillion times, pouted, missed a cheerleading competition, and felt like an all around loser.

It seemed like if I said it, it came out wrong... MERCY!!!!!!

I also realized I hadn't been putting anything positive into my life in a week or so.

AND...I am a firm believer in what you put in comes out.

Or should I say

"What you put in changes what comes out"!!!!!

YUCK... that must mean what I have in there isn't so nice.

Soooooo, I started digging through my stash of inspirations

and found a book I'd bought but never read .

Joel Osteens Your best Life Now for MOMs

Ok.. I have to say I highly recommend it.

I bought mine at Ross for $3.99.

Just changing what was going into my mind,

had a huge impact on what was coming out.

I realize that sometimes what we pray for

is right in front of us

wrapped in an altered package.

When we pray for courage sometimes we get opportunities to be courageous.

When we pray for peace sometimes we get an opportunity to be peaceful in a tense situation.

And sometimes when we pray for strength in our family bonds we find an opportunity to strengthen them...

Without the challenge how could be grow.

My OPINION

The older I get...
I HOPE the more open minded I become..
I realize My OPINION is only mine,
and there is a whole huge world out there with their own.
Including my beautiful, spunky,
fabulously fiery daughter.
I see her do and say lots of things
that I don't necessarily think
I might say or do...
But, I want her to feel
that she can always talk to me,
and we can just agree to disagree
with no hurt feelings,
or grudges about
who is right or wrong.
As I travel through age
I see that the open-minded ability to
actually talk about anything you want,
and to be able to say anything
that needs to be said
is a much greater treasure
than being RIGHT..

The Rainbow

What a wonderful quote I read today...

I LOVE things

that inspire me

to be a better person

& a better mother.

I could say a million things to go along with this quote....

But some things speak for themselves.

The work will wait while you show the child the rainbow;

but, the rainbow won't wait while you do the work.

Patricia Clafford

Some kind of LOVE

There are just no words that I have ever known

to describe the type of LOVE

a mother has for her children.

Brent, was the first person that I ever really

felt loved me for no reason at all.

I have always told him

that he taught me how to be human.

I am heading to Abilene to watch him play baseball tomorrow,

and already I have sparkles just at the thought of seeing his face.

He can light up my heart like to one else in all the world.

I have always had such a hard time realizing

the true LOVE of God.

I was taught to be afraid of how GOD would

punish you when you acted wrong. It kind of always felt

like he was up there with a big marker and tablet writing down

my zillions of screw ups. Then, after Brent came along, I realized! WOW....

If I love my child like this, just image how much God loves me.

I wouldn't dare ever remove my love from my kids when they make mistakes.

Some days along the way have had a few disappointments,

but never once have I thought my children were unworthy of LOVE.

No matter how old you are, it's never too late to be filled up with LOVE.

The kind that never goes away.

Make sure your children know that before they grow up.

It will change their lives forever.

Sometimes you gotta get DIRTY

Looking back to the early days of my "big" kids, I realize so many moments I squelched because I was ruling my life by TIME.

How much time something was going to take to clean up, how much time it was going to take us to reach a destination, how much time homework was going to take, how much time was left in my day to clean or sleep, and most sadly of all how much time until my kids were big enough to clean up their own messes.

WELL..... I can tell you I missed a million minutes while I watched "THE TIME"

Today, however, I didn't. Brady was playing in the front yard in the dirt, and climbed right up in the flower pot. He dug, threw, and sat in the dirt for almost an hour. He groaned, clapped, laughed, and poured dirt all over himself and my porch.

I must say my first thought was "What a mess this is going to make." But I stopped and watched him play. As I sat there I realized how precious TIME can be if you just watch it go by.

That moment could have so easily been missed.

Instead MY own words rang in my ears "to cherish the moments that pass by too quickly."

So, Brady got to play in the dirt, and I took the TIME to watch that precious little miracle be a part of my life.

Expanding on "I'm SORRY"

I've been thinking a lot about those 2 words today,

and how many times I've said them to my kids over the years.

Man... I've made so many mistakes -

in punishments I handed down

(too strong, but mostly not enough) ,

words I chose to say ,and things I did or didn't do along the way.

Recently Brook and I had a long heart-to-heart about responsibility.

I listened with an open mind, and actually learned a great deal from what she had to say. One thing that stuck out though in my mind is... she told me that she always knew I would never "make" her do anything for very long. She knew she would only be in trouble while I was upset, and then when I was over it, I always softened up WAY too much on what-ever our issue of the moment was.

WOW... now if that doesn't hit you.

So, right in the middle of my lecture about her room, grades, and general household responsibility....I stopped and said "I'm SORRY." It hit me like a punch to the chest that I was fussing at her for something that I had taught her. Children don't come out of the womb being responsible. She was right...

When I was over what ever I was so upset about,

I always quit with the punishment.

That's what caused my words to lose all their effect.

So, I told her that both she and I were both going to change in 2009.

It is never too late to be better and learn more.

I told her I was going to be firm, and for her to remember

that she was the one who suggested that I stick to what I say.

We cleaned her room for one whole 24 hour day.

We got rid of ANY clutter that was making it messy,

and from that moment on.....I expected it to be clean

or she wouldn't be leaving this house.

I'm proud to say I've backed that one up several times so far.

I told her it wasn't really so much about her room, but about self respect.

It shows up in her grades, the way she will take care of a car, and many other places later in life.

We also had a long talk about the 140 lb. dog of hers that lives in our house. One she never walked, or cleaned up hair after.

So, from that moment to this one.. We made a deal that we each were responsible to walk him every other day. I have Mon., Wed., and Fri. And Brook has Tues., Thurs., and Sat. We both get Sunday off. Well girls... I can tell you that we haven't missed a time except for the last 2 days when it was icy. I took him in the rain, and Brook has taken him when it was 24 degrees after a ball game when she just cheered. I wanted to tell her that she didn't have to, but her words came back in my ears, and my promise to her popped back into my head.

Responsibility is learned.

Sometimes even for the parents.

2 Little WORDS

Never under estimate the power of a few words.

IN fact........ Only 2

I'm SORRY, and Thank YOU.

One of the best gifts you can give your child is for them

to know that sometimes you can make mistakes too.

When we apologize it says I realize I was wrong.

It makes us all human, and in need of God's grace.

AND the power of a "thank you" that's heart-felt

gives every child a sense of

I was noticed and appreciated.

It's like magic from your mouth.